Divorce is not a happy and peaceful experience for a lot of people. They are often bitter about the divorce and everything that led up to that point. This is why most people believe divorces are always going to be contentious. However, they don’t have to be. It is possible to have a more peaceful divorce if both parties are honest and willing to make it happen. Below, you will find some tips that will help to foster a more amicable split between you and your spouse.
Be Fair and Transparent
One of the first things both of you need to commit to is being fair and transparent throughout the process. This is especially true when it comes to finances. Far too often, one spouse has most of the control over the finances. They don’t want their soon-to-be-ex to know about all of their financial dealings.
Maybe they are trying to hide money or investments. Perhaps they are embarrassed that there is less money in their retirement accounts, investments, etc. than they had been telling their spouse.
However, full transparency is essential if you want to have the divorce proceed smoothly. Additionally, both parties need to commit to being fair with one another. No matter the circumstances of the divorce, they shouldn’t try to one-up each other.
There’s something about getting divorced that makes so many people want to do things they know aren’t right. There is the temptation to try to hide certain assets you might have or to “sell” some belongings to a family friend or relative, so you don’t have to give them up during the divorce. All of this sort of duplicitous behavior is likely to come out in the divorce, so it’s best not to engage in the first place.
When you are open and transparent, as mentioned, you and your ex can both feel better about the process.
Don’t Use the Kids
This should go without saying, but because so many parents use these gross tactics it has to be said. You should not use your kids as bargaining chips in the divorce. You shouldn’t tell your spouse that unless they hand over certain assets or belongings you will try to keep them from seeing the kids. No one should do that with their kids.
Additionally, you shouldn’t use the kids as messengers between you and your ex. Most of the time, this is done to send passive-aggressive, or outright aggressive messages toward the ex, and it’s not fair to put the kids in the middle.
Consider Mediation to Avoid Litigation
Just because you are getting a divorce doesn’t mean that your case has to be dragged through divorce court for everyone to see. You don’t have to go through litigation with your divorce. Most couples don’t. They negotiate with one another, often with the help of a mediator, so they can reach agreements on the various aspects of their divorce. Many times, this means they don’t have to bring their case in front of a judge at all.
In some cases, they might only be able to agree on some of the parts of their divorce. This is still a win, though, as it means those parts of the divorce won’t have to be argued in front of the court. They will only have to litigate the areas where they can’t agree.
One of the benefits of settling the case is the fact that it lets you and your spouse dictate what happens. If you let the case go to the judge, the court gets to decide how assets are distributed and what is to be done about your parenting plan.
Try to Be Kind
This can be difficult, especially when you have a spouse who makes it hard to be nice. Maybe they committed adultery or maybe they never took the marriage seriously. Regardless, you need to try to be pleasant around them. Even if they aren’t pleasant, your good, kind attitude can often deflate them. It can take the fight out of them before they have a chance to start blustering.
Stay Positive and Take Care of Yourself
No matter how dark and bleak your separation might seem, try to keep positive thoughts as much as possible. Doing so can often make it easier for you and your ex to have a peaceful divorce, which will make moving forward easier for both of you. It is not always easy to do, but you should find some things in your life that will make you feel better.
Staying positive, being kind, and following all of the other tips above are not easy things to do. Therefore, you need to be sure you are taking good care of yourself, so you have the energy and strength of mind to follow through.
Make sure you are eating right, getting plenty of exercise, and that you are finding ways to relax and reduce your stress. When you do, you will find that it’s easier to be peaceful and calm when dealing with your divorce.
Get Help from the Professionals
Sometimes, you will find that it’s easier to go through your divorce when you have a bit of help. In some cases, this might mean having a divorce attorney that can help with your case. Other times, it could mean a mediator hired by you and your spouse to help you reach agreements. Then again, it could even mean a therapist you talk to about finding ways to stay positive and peaceful regarding your divorce. Never discount the benefits that a professional can provide.
Can Everyone Have a Peaceful Divorce?
Unfortunately, the answer to this is no. Not because it’s impossible, but because not everyone is willing to work toward making it happen. There are those out there who are so angry about the divorce and who are so miserable that they want to make their ex miserable for as long as possible, too. While the tips above can help, there are some cases where being amicable simply won’t work.