Getting a divorce can be mentally exhausting. It can seem almost impossible to keep everything together when going through this unfortunate event. However, as difficult as it might be, it doesn’t mean that you can’t at least try to make things more bearable during and right after your divorce. Yes, it takes time to get things back to normal, but you will find that it’s possible to keep it together after divorce with the tips below.
Learn and Understand the Process of Divorce
The first thing you should do is take the time to familiarize yourself with the process of divorce in Arizona. You should know at least the basics of what happens at each stage. Understand the possibility for mediation and negotiation, what happens with kids, child support, community and separate property, etc.
There is a lot to learn, but you can do it by checking out articles and videos online. Just make sure you find those that are aimed at Arizona, so you aren’t steered wrong.
Realize It’s a Temporary Problem
This is something else to help get you through the initial months when you are going through the divorce. Remind yourself that this is a temporary problem, and it will go away once you deal with it. Although it might take some time to get through, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and a brighter future on the other side. Knowing this and focusing on it can help to make things a lot better for you moving forward.
Grief Is Normal
You must also understand that grief is a normal part of the process of divorce. Even if you were the one who wanted the divorce in the first place, it represents a huge change in your life. Things are going to be very different. Therefore, it’s normal that you will become sad about the change—even when you know it’s the right thing to do. Knowing that grief is a common part of divorce will help you get through it a bit more easily.
Hate and Revenge Will Hurt You
Perhaps you are angry at your spouse because of the divorce or because of something they did that led to the divorce. This is normal, but it doesn’t mean that you should give in to the anger and hate that you feel. You shouldn’t be driven by anger or revenge in your divorce because it will lead you to make some bad decisions.
The Kids Are the Most Important Part
If you have children, don’t let them and their feelings get lost in all the noise of the divorce. Your kids are going to be going through sadness, worry, and stress just like you are. Both you and your spouse should make them a priority. Decisions you make should always be done with the kids in mind, not just what will hurt your ex the most.
Don’t Take Advice from Just Anyone
When your friends and family learn that you are getting divorced, you will end up with a substantial amount of unsolicited advice. Others who have gone through a divorce in the past and those who have never had a divorce will all want to give you their two cents. However, if they aren’t attorneys who practice family law in Arizona, you might want to think twice before you listen to them.
Work with Experts
When you are going through a divorce, you want to get advice from experts in the field who have been there and who understand the steps to take. Often, this means working with an attorney. However, it may mean more than just a lawyer. You might also need to have some help from forensic accountants, mediators, appraisers, etc. Rather than trying to do everything on your own, consider hiring professionals where it matters the most.
Give yourself some goals. Setting goals is a way to make things more achievable, especially when you have smaller goals that lead to your overarching goals. You can put your focus and effort into reaching those goals whether it has to directly do with the divorce, such as hiring an attorney, or it’s about your health, such as getting more exercise. Goals keep the brain occupied.
Talk with a Therapist
You should also consider speaking with a therapist regarding the divorce and everything you are going through currently. Therapists are great to talk to, so you can learn more about the inner workings of your mental state. You may not even be aware of just how much the divorce is affecting you or how you aren’t getting over it even though you tell yourself you are.
Consider Joining a Divorce Group
Sometimes, having a group of people who have gone through the same thing and that you can talk to feels nice. Sharing and commiserating can be a good option for those who want to talk about the divorce without talking with family and friends about it, and who aren’t seeking the advice of a therapist. Sometimes, just griping with someone who understands is exactly what you need.
Find Good Stress Relievers
It’s always a good idea to find ways that you can relieve the stress of divorce in your life. You might want to learn to meditate and take some time each day to do so. Get in plenty of exercise whether it’s a trip to the gym or a brisk walk around the block. Even working out at home with a kettlebell and some music is a good way to reduce the stress your body feels.
Of course, there are other stress relievers, too. Enjoying a hobby, taking a nice bath, reading a good book, etc. can all be beneficial to take your mind off things for a while.
Divorce is never going to be easy. However, when you keep the above tips in mind, it will make things somewhat more bearable. You can more easily keep everything together mentally and physically, which should always be one of your goals. You can’t fix everything at once, but finding ways to keep it together after divorce, can make all of the difference in your new life.