Nesting is a term that’s become popular in the past few years. However, if you are like a lot of people, you aren’t quite sure what this means. It’s time to get a closer look and a better understanding of nesting to see if it could be something that you’d like to try. It isn’t for everyone, but it could be just the thing you’ve been looking for in your life.
What Does Nesting Mean?
The concept of nesting is simple, but to see why it might be needed will require some additional understanding. When people with children get divorced, what typically happens with the children? There is generally a custody agreement of some kind. The arrangement can vary, but both parents will often have joint custody of the kids.
This means that every week or two, the kids have to pack up all of the things that they need to take from one house and then haul it to the other parent’s house. While it might seem like mini-vacations at first, they can lose their appeal quickly. Kids have a lot of other things that they have to think about, including school and their friends. It can be hard to feel stable when being shuttled back and forth all of the time. They might forget homework, a favorite toy, etc., which can make them anxious. The kids might not feel like they have a permanent place to live, which can also leave them anxious and frustrated.
What can you do about this? If it’s a concern, you might want to try nesting. This means that the kids will stay in one house. The parents will be the ones that shuttle back and forth. The “nest” can be difficult on the parents, but it ensures that the kids are not uprooted from the place where they are accustomed to living. Naturally, this is not something that will be feasible for everyone to do, but it may be something to at least consider.
Nesting in Practice
How do parents go about nesting and setting up a schedule? It’s not easy to do, and it will often require compromises in the name of providing more stability for the kids. Finances will often play a large role in how it works for different families. In some cases, both parents may have enough money to have separate apartments of their own in addition to the primary home for the children. This is not feasible for most people, though.
In those cases, one parent might have an apartment of their own and then spend every weekend or every other weekend at the primary house with the kids. During the time, the parent is in the primary home, the other parent probably won’t be. They can find another place to stay for the weekend, such as with friends and family, for example.
Situations vary from one family to the next, and each will require a plan that works for them. It’s important to keep in mind that everything in the home should be separate, meaning things like toiletries and food should not be shared between the parents. The adults are responsible for their own items. They should also have a separate bedroom and bathroom, if possible. Of course, the size of the home will dictate this.
Ultimately, it’s not about making the parents as comfortable as they can be. Instead, it’s about ensuring that the kids realize they have a safe, stable place to call home. They don’t have to worry about being taken from one place to the next all the time.
Nesting is not a forever proposition. It doesn’t have to last for years or until the kids graduate. It can last until the kids become more accustomed to the situation and are more comfortable with the idea of maybe going to another house sometimes. In the case of older children that are nearing the end of their high school career, nesting until they graduate could be a good option. Again, all families are different. Everyone will have to figure out what works for them.
Nesting is Not for Everyone
Although it does have the potential to be a good solution for worried children that do not know what will be coming next and who don’t want to be shuttled from one parent to the other, it’s not for everyone. Many potential issues could arise and make nesting a bad idea.
In some cases, one of the parents might not be ready for the divorce and may try to use nesting as a way to get back with their ex. This isn’t good for the children, and it isn’t a healthy familial relationship. It has the potential to cause more problems.
There is also the money aspect to consider. It can be expensive for the parents to have more than one residence, particularly if both parents need to have places to stay when they aren’t in the nesting house. It’s important to consider the finances to ensure that it’s possible to do this without overextending. In some cases, it may be possible to rely on friends and family for places to stay, but this is often a temporary solution.
Nesting is not for those who are going through bitter divorces, either. When there are conflicts in the divorce, keeping both of the parents in the same house is likely to cause more problems. The kids will be in the middle of the arguments, and it will cause them just as much trauma and damage as if the parents were still married. It could even grow worse with a nesting situation because there is so much more to argue about.
What’s the Right Choice?
Each family and situation are unique. There are no right answers for everyone when it comes to whether nesting should be considered. Instead, parents will want to look at the pros and the cons and the practicality of nesting to see if it’s something they should consider or not.