In Divorce Therapy Part 1, we looked into some of the telltale signs that might help if you need divorce therapy. In this article, we will be learning more about the ways it can help you and why it is important. Whether you are still in the midst of your divorce, or the divorce is finalized, it’s never too late to get some help.
Getting Through the Stages of Divorce
One of the first things you have to realize about going through a divorce is that the feelings you will have are not dissimilar to grief. The five stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Most people are going to experience at least some of these stages when they are going through a divorce. Depending on your state of mind and how much you wanted the divorce, the stages you might hit can vary. However, divorce is a big loss for most people, so those feelings of grief and loss are natural.
When you first think about divorce or are served with the papers, you might not believe that it’s going to happen. You may feel that you and your spouse can move past it. You might deny that it happens and then feel angry when you realize that the divorce will happen. You move through these stages before you finally reach acceptance.
While you might be able to get through the stages on your own, it is often easier when you have a professional who knows how to best guide you along the path. They can help you understand what you are feeling and why.
Develop Better Coping Skills
Because it feels like grief, you need to learn how to better deal with the emotions you are facing. Working with therapists can help you to develop tools that can ensure you can better cope with how you feel. You will find that learning to cope is going to help you deal with more than just your divorce. It will also help with other facets of life when things go wrong.
Therapy Can Help You Learn to Communicate Better
A lot of relationship problems come from not knowing how to communicate with one another properly. Realizing that you might need divorce therapy and counseling can show you better ways to communicate and listen to other people. This will be important during the divorce and after, especially if you still have to deal with your spouse if you have kids, for example.
You Get More Insight into What Went Wrong
Sometimes, when a marriage falls apart, it seems to come on quickly. You think everything is normal one day and the next you receive divorce papers from an unhappy spouse. Or you find out your spouse is cheating on you, and you are the one who files for divorce.
Even though it might seem like it is coming out of nowhere, there are generally reasons behind the divorce, even if you might not have seen them coming. Sometimes, working with a therapist can help you to get some deeper insight into those issues, so you can see where the problems originated. This can help you to avoid those mistakes in future relationships.
You Will Learn Not to Take on All the Blame
When you get divorced, it’s common to dwell on things that you could’ve done differently. Maybe the divorce was partially your fault. Maybe it was all your fault. Regardless, if you keep blaming yourself, you will have a hard time moving past the divorce. Therapy could help.
You Will Learn to Move Forward and Not Focus on Blaming Your Spouse
Blaming other people is just as easy as blaming yourself—perhaps even easier. It’s also one of the natural things that people do when they get divorced. You want to blame your ex for the divorce, and you feel you have a good reason for it. Sometimes, it is their fault. They were the person that caused the problems and the breakdown in the marriage.
Even though that might be the case, it’s not healthy. If you focus on the past, regardless of what happened, it is going to be difficult for you to move forward with your life.
It can be difficult to get over this on your own, though, just like self-blame. Again, a therapist could be what you need to get past these feelings.
You Can Learn to Look Forward to Tomorrow
When you are going through a divorce, or you have just come out of a divorce, it can feel as though you are under a constant cloud. You are readjusting to how you live your life. Your finances have changed. You might be living in a new location. Everything feels different and strange. Sometimes, you just want to ball up and stay indoors as much as possible. Nothing makes you want to get out of bed or look forward to a new day.
This isn’t the type of existence that anyone wants, but it can quickly take you over if you aren’t careful. Fortunately, realizing that you need divorce therapy can help to tackle these types of feelings at any stage.
It Can Make the Family Stronger
As we mentioned in the previous article, kids can get a lot out of going to therapy, as well. You might want to have your kids go to therapy on their own, or you could have a family therapy or counseling session. This could be helpful if there are issues with communicating with your kids, behavior problems, etc.
Getting together in a room that’s a safe space where everyone can speak freely is a good idea. Having a specialist there who can help facilitate the communication and make sure everything stays on track is even better.
Give It a Shot
Even though you might feel that you don’t need divorce therapy and that you can handle it all on your own, at least consider the benefits above. Even if you can do it alone, you don’t have to be solo. Find a therapist that can give you the help you need and set up an appointment.