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Top Moves to Keep Kids Calm During Divorce

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Divorce on Children

Divorce is a challenging and often traumatic experience for children, even in the most amicable of situations. In a recent episode of the Modern Divorce podcast, Billie Tarascio talked with Alexis Santa Cruz, a licensed associate marriage and family therapist in Mesa, Ariz., who shared valuable insights on how parents can support their children through this difficult transition.

Breaking the News to Children

When parents decide to separate or divorce, it is crucial to approach the topic with care and thoughtfulness. Santa Cruz emphasizes the importance of choosing an appropriate time and place to have this conversation. Parents should consider their children’s developmental level and provide information in a way that they can understand. For younger children, keeping explanations simple and concise is key. As questions arise, parents should encourage open dialogue and allow their children to express their emotions.

Supporting Children Through Transitions

The transition from a two-parent household to separate households can be particularly challenging for children. By implementing rituals and routines, it’s possible to ease the process. Establishing consistent rituals between homes, such as shared meals or special activities, can provide a sense of stability and continuity. Additionally, providing children with small mementos or letters to carry between homes can offer comfort during difficult moments. It is essential for parents to show respect for one another and avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, as children are highly perceptive and can internalize negative messages.

Recognizing and Addressing Emotional Struggles

Children may exhibit various emotional and behavioral changes during and after a divorce. Santa Cruz advises parents to remain attuned to these changes and seek professional support when necessary. Withdrawal, isolation, stomachaches, or headaches can be signs that a child is struggling emotionally. In such cases, it is important to gather a support network, including teachers, therapists, and family members, who can provide additional guidance and care. By offering validation, understanding, and opportunities for self-expression, parents can help their children navigate these emotional challenges.

In conclusion, divorce is a complex process that affects every member of the family, particularly children. By focusing on effective communication, supporting children through transitions, and addressing their emotional struggles, parents can create a more stable and nurturing environment during this challenging time. Seeking professional help, maintaining open dialogue, and prioritizing the well-being of the children are essential steps in ensuring a smoother transition and fostering their long-term emotional resilience. Remember, while divorce may be the end of a marital relationship, it does not have to be the end of a loving and supportive family dynamic.


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