You didn’t get married with the idea of getting a divorce a few years, or a few decades, down the road. However, divorce is a reality for many people. If you are now facing a divorce, whether you were the one who filed for it or you were served with the papers, you need to know how to prepare properly. The process of divorce is not fun for anyone, but the better prepared you are the easier it will be to handle. There are commonalities and differences when it comes to how men should prepare for divorce and how women should prepare for divorce.
Regardless of gender, going through a divorce is tough. It’s often more difficult for men because they typically don’t have the same level of emotional support that women will have with their friends and family.
Know What’s Happening
Unfortunately, a lot of men just get swept away in the rapids when it comes to getting divorced. There’s a lot of legal lingo and paperwork involved, and most don’t want to spend the time understanding all of the intricacies of the law and what they need to do. This leads to them making mistakes. You don’t want this to happen to you.
Therefore, you need to research and prep for the divorce. This will help you create a plan and a strategy for the divorce. You should have a good understanding of your goals in the divorce, you should learn how the process works, and look into the options available to you, such as mediation. The more you know, the better prepared you will be. Now that we’re past the why, let’s get into how men should prepare for divorce.
Make Sure Your Finances Are Organized
When you were married, you likely had a joint account. Now, you will need to open up a new account that’s yours alone. You can also get a new credit card, but be careful with it, so you don’t start racking up more debt. You will also need to find a new place to live. This often means getting into a smaller apartment, at least for the time being.
You will need your financial information when you are going through the divorce, as well. This includes accounts, insurance policies, investment information, paystubs, etc. Be sure to have copies of all of your financial information for when it is needed.
Protect Your Privacy
If you and your spouse knew one another’s social media passwords, email passwords, etc., it’s time to change them. Use passwords that your ex will never be able to guess. Otherwise, there is a chance that they could access the account and look up information to make you look bad.
Additionally, whenever you are using social media or talking with family and friends about your divorce, your ex, etc., use caution. Don’t badmouth them or say things that you will later regret.
You have a lot to keep on your mind when you are getting divorced, and brain fog happens more than you might think. Therefore, you will want to do everything you can to stay organized. Use calendars to remind you of important dates in the divorce proceedings, such as when paperwork is due. Have all of the important contact numbers and names you need written down and easy to access. Don’t rely on your memory for this. The better organized you are, the easier your divorce will be.
Take Care of Yourself
You can’t forget to treat yourself well during this time. It’s easy to forget about some of the basic but essential things you need to do. Make sure you are eating, and that you are trying to stick to healthy food. Get some exercise to help relieve your stress. Learn how to meditate to help you relax. Get enough sleep. Those little things will help you feel better. However, this wouldn’t be a guide to how men should prepare for divorce if we didn’t mention how helpful a night out with the boys, reliving a bit of the past, can be.
Find Some Support
Regardless of the circumstances, most people will feel that the man is the one to blame for the divorce. You might not have a shoulder to cry on or anyone to talk to when you are getting divorced. A lot of times your male friends won’t know how to support you and they might even tell you that they don’t want to hear about it. Even if you do have good friends who would listen, you might not always feel comfortable talking about your emotions to them.
Consider the options you have around you for support. If you have family and friends who can talk with you and help you take your mind off the divorce, that’s great. However, you might also want to consider connecting with a support group. There are online and in-person groups that you can meet with. You can connect with others who are going through the same thing you are, and this can help to give you some perspective.
It might also be a good idea to talk with a therapist, especially if you don’t have other people that you can talk with freely. You’ll find that talking with a therapist can help you open up more, and you won’t have to worry about your words getting back to your ex.
Be Willing to Negotiate
This doesn’t mean that you should back down and give your ex everything she wants. It simply means that you should be willing to negotiate and work toward settling your divorce. Try to keep things as amicable as possible, regardless of the reason for the divorce. It will make the process easier. When you can work together during the divorce, it will often help it move along faster, too.
If you have kids, you will still need to be in contact with your ex at least until the little ones are 18. It simply makes sense to try to make the best of a bad situation.
Get in Touch with an Attorney
You have a lot to do and think about when you are going through a divorce. Even if you feel you can or should handle it on your own, there is a lot at stake. This is particularly true when you have children.
Rather than trying to do everything yourself, you will find that working with an attorney will be a better option. They can truly be your guide to how men should prepare for divorce, they’ve seen it all. If you worry that you can’t afford an attorney, there are still options you can consider. Going through a flat fee divorce could work for you. You can also choose to hire an attorney to handle only certain parts of the case if you prefer. Regardless, getting some help and guidance along the way will be a major benefit.