Blending families is anything but basic. While many couples enter into a blended family situation with the best of intentions, the reality is often far more complex than expected. In a recent Modern Arizona Podcast live event, Lori and David, founders of Nacho Kids, shared their insights on navigating the challenges of blended family life. With their signature humor and real-life experience, they broke down the dos and don’ts of step-parenting, discipline, and maintaining harmony in a blended household.
Why Blending Families Feels Impossible
Many step-parents enter their role expecting to build instant relationships and enforce household rules, only to be met with resistance. “It’s basically impossible,” David joked, pointing out that blending a family requires an entirely different mindset than parenting biological children. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is assuming they can just treat all the kids the same. “You can’t. No, you can’t,” Lori emphasized. “And when you don’t have to deal with the consequences of a decision, it’s easy to tell somebody what to do.”
That’s why community support is crucial. “It feels isolating,” Billie Tarascio, Modern Law owner and stepmom, pointed out. “Having a community of people who actually get it makes all the difference.”
What Is the Nacho Kids Approach?
Nacho Kids is all about stepping back and letting the biological parent take the lead when it comes to discipline and major parenting decisions. “Nachoing isn’t about ignoring the kids,” Lori explained. “It’s about focusing on your role as a step-parent and allowing relationships to develop naturally.” Many step-parents try to jump in too quickly, which can create conflict. “You don’t want to force a relationship. Let the step-kids lead that process.”
Handling Step-Sibling Conflicts
One of the most common issues in blended families is tension between step-siblings. Lori shared a story about a stepmom who discovered her biological son had a bad Christmas because his step-sister kept opening his presents. The stepmom felt awful, and online commenters were quick to blame her.
Lori’s advice? “You don’t have to be mean, and you don’t have to be a parent, but you can step in and protect your kid.” She suggested calmly setting boundaries in the moment—“Little Susie, these are Johnny’s presents, you can open yours, but not his.” If the biological parent doesn’t intervene, the step-parent can ask for help without being accusatory: “Hey, I need your help with this.”
Afterward, instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on a plan for the future. “You can’t redo Christmas,” David pointed out. “But you can decide how to handle birthdays or the next holiday differently.”
Why Family Meetings Don’t Always Work
Many experts recommend regular family meetings to discuss issues, but Lori and David warn that these can backfire. “It turns into a complaint fest,” Lori admitted. In their experience, family meetings often highlight problems rather than solutions. Instead, they suggest having private check-ins with biological children to understand how they’re feeling about the blending process.
David agreed, saying that while some families find meetings helpful, “if you’re asking ‘What are you unhappy about?’ instead of ‘What’s going well?’ it’s not going to build connection.”
Long-Term Strategies for a Harmonious Blended Family
One of the biggest challenges in step-parenting is maintaining harmony over time. Many step-parents implement the Nacho approach when things get tough, but then abandon it too quickly. “People nacho for two weeks, things get better, then they try to re-engage too soon,” David explained. “And guess what? Things fall apart again.”
To truly build long-term stability, step-parents need to:
- Let step-kids set the pace for the relationship.
- Be consistent. If something is working, don’t stop doing it just because things improve.
- Remember that relationships take time. Lori and David have been together for 15 years, and they still face blended family challenges—especially now that grandkids are involved!
Should Step-Parents Discipline?
When it comes to discipline, Lori and David’s answer is simple: Don’t do it.
Many step-parents struggle with this, especially if they spend a lot of time caring for their step-kids. The solution? Household rules and agreed-upon consequences.
“Make a list. What rules do you both agree on? Those are the house rules.” Lori emphasized that if the biological parent isn’t present, the step-parent should enforce basic household expectations (like safety rules) without crossing into discipline. “You can redirect, but discipline should be left to the bio parent.”
She also cautioned step-parents about constantly complaining about step-kids. “What the biological parent hears isn’t ‘The kids didn’t do their chores.’ It’s ‘You’re a bad parent.’”
Final Takeaways: Tips for Parents in a Blended Family
Blending families takes patience, flexibility, and a willingness to step back when needed. Lori and David suggest keeping these key principles in mind:
✅ Let relationships develop naturally. Don’t force a connection with step-kids—let them set the pace.
✅ Leave discipline to the biological parent. Set household expectations together, but avoid direct discipline as a step-parent.
✅ Pick your battles. Not every issue is worth fighting over. Decide what really matters and let go of the rest.
✅ Set realistic expectations. Blended families don’t magically come together overnight. Give it time.
✅ Communicate with your partner. Work together to create a home environment that feels fair, but recognize that each parent may have different rules for their biological children. ✅ Take breaks when needed. It’s okay to step back and give yourself space when tensions run high.
✅ Find what works for your family. There is no single “right” way to blend a family—do what works best for your unique situation.
