Divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences for a family, especially when children are involved. In a recent episode of the Modern Arizona Podcast, Billie Tarascio spoke with licensed therapist Derek Wittman about the complexities of co-parenting, the emotional toll of parental alienation, and how to guide teens through the transition of separation and divorce. With years of experience counseling families, Derek offered invaluable insights for parents seeking to create stability and support for their children during turbulent times.
Key Takeaways:
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- Protect Your Child’s Well-Being: Avoid speaking negatively about your ex in front of your child to prevent emotional harm and loyalty conflicts.
- Model Healthy Communication: Show your kids how to handle disagreements constructively, teaching them essential life skills for resolving conflicts.
- Address Parental Alienation: Consistency and emotional stability are key to countering attempts by a co-parent to damage your relationship with your child.
- Set Technology Boundaries Together: Involve your teen in creating healthy limits for phone and social media use to foster real-life connections without isolation.
The Impact of Divorce on Teens
Teens are uniquely affected by divorce, often caught in the crossfire of parental conflict. Derek emphasized the importance of recognizing that children internalize the dynamics between their parents. “When you talk badly about your ex in front of your child, you’re not just criticizing your co-parent—you’re also criticizing a part of your child,” Derek explained. “Kids see themselves as a reflection of both parents, so negativity toward the other parent can feel like rejection of them.”
One of the key challenges teens face during divorce is grappling with loyalty conflicts. They may feel pressure to choose sides or align with one parent, especially in cases of parental alienation, where one parent intentionally undermines the other. Derek urged parents to avoid this behavior at all costs, as it can have long-lasting emotional consequences. “No matter what’s happening between you and your ex, it’s crucial to shield your child from that conflict,” he advised.
Open Communication is Key
While shielding children from adult conflicts is essential, Derek also stressed the importance of modeling healthy communication in front of them. “Kids don’t benefit from seeing a conflict-free household; they benefit from seeing disagreements handled constructively,” he said. Demonstrating how to resolve disputes respectfully can teach teens vital relationship skills and show them that challenges can be navigated without resorting to hostility or avoidance.
Derek also noted that teens often communicate more openly with trusted adults outside of their immediate family. “Teens are biologically programmed to push back against their parents—it’s part of their journey toward independence,” he explained. “Sometimes they’ll talk to a therapist, coach, or mentor more easily than they will to you.” By fostering a network of trusted adults, parents can provide their teens with additional outlets for guidance and support.
Coping with Parental Alienation
Parental alienation—where one parent attempts to damage a child’s relationship with the other—remains a significant issue in divorce cases. Derek shared strategies for addressing this harmful dynamic, emphasizing the importance of consistency and emotional stability. “If your co-parent is speaking negatively about you, the best thing you can do is stay calm and continue showing up for your child,” he said. “Your consistency and love will speak louder than any criticism.”
He also encouraged parents to resist the urge to retaliate, even when provoked. “It’s tempting to defend yourself or criticize your ex in return, but that only adds to the conflict,” Derek cautioned. “Focus on maintaining a positive, supportive environment for your child.”
Setting Boundaries with Technology
In today’s digital age, technology adds another layer of complexity to parenting, especially for families navigating divorce. Derek highlighted the challenges of managing screen time and social media use while fostering healthy relationships. “Phones and social media can be incredibly addictive, and they often pull kids away from real-life connections,” he said. However, he also acknowledged the social pressures teens face to stay connected. “The goal isn’t to isolate your child but to help them develop healthy boundaries around their technology use.”
For parents worried about excluding their children by limiting phone access, Derek suggested open conversations and gradual steps. “Explain your reasoning and involve your teen in creating boundaries that make sense for your family,” he advised. “This approach helps them feel included and respected.”
The Role of Therapy in Navigating Divorce
Therapy can be an invaluable tool for families navigating divorce. Derek shared that he works with both parents and teens to address the emotional challenges of separation. “I often start by helping teens process their feelings and develop coping strategies,” he said. For parents, therapy can provide a space to reflect on their behavior and learn tools to support their children effectively. “Ultimately, the goal is to create a family dynamic that prioritizes the well-being of the kids, even in the midst of significant change.”
Moving Forward: Raising Resilient Kids
As families work through the challenges of divorce, Derek encourages parents to focus on raising strong, independent kids. “We want to raise adults, not just protect children,” he said. “Resilience comes from facing challenges, not avoiding them.” By fostering open communication, modeling healthy conflict resolution, and providing a supportive environment, parents can help their children navigate divorce with confidence and emotional strength.
