Divorce is difficult. There’s no getting around that fact. Even when you and your ex break up on the best of terms, it will take a serious emotional and mental toll on you. It may seem as though there is no way to get over the way you are feeling. There might be sadness, shame, guilt, and a host of other emotions you are feeling. It doesn’t matter who may have been at fault, these are common feelings.
As difficult as it might seem, there are things you can do to start rebuilding your life after you have gone through a divorce. It is possible to find happiness once again.
It’s Okay to Mourn the Loss of the Relationship
Don’t feel as though you have to put all of your feelings about the previous relationship out of your mind right away. The divorce is still fresh, and you will have feelings of grief and loss that you have to handle. Don’t ignore the way you feel. Acknowledge it and realize that these feelings of loss are normal.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should wallow in a pit of sadness for months or years. Grieve, but strive to come to terms with it. The sooner you do the sooner you can start to truly move on with your life. Each person will heal in their own time.
Keep a Journal
It’s a good idea to have a journal where you can keep track of the way you feel mentally and emotionally each day. When you write down how you feel and the struggles and triumphs you have, you will find that it often becomes easier to take control of your emotions. When you have a journal that encompasses the good days, it also shows you that there is hope for the future.
Friends and Family Are Important
Now is the time to spend more time with your friends and family. You have been through a difficult time, and it’s the perfect time to talk with them more often. Communicate with them regularly, so you don’t feel like you are doing it all alone. Make plans with friends, too, so you can keep your mind off the divorce and look forward.
Sometimes, you might find that you need to lean on your friends and family for some support during this time, too. It might be something as simple as heading out for lunch or it could be as serious as needing a place to stay while you get back on your feet.
In addition to spending time with current friends, you might also want to think about making some new friends. It can be a good time to branch out and to find other people with whom you share some interests.
Recognize and Exorcise Negative Thoughts
After divorce, negative thoughts become far too common. You might tell yourself that it was all your fault, that you are unlovable, that you don’t deserve happiness, or any other number of terrible things. Once you start saying these things to yourself, you will eventually begin to believe them.
You need to recognize these thoughts and squash them each time they start to surface. Replace them with healthy, positive thoughts. You can’t change the past, but you can control how you feel about your future.
To be honest, this is difficult for a lot of people to do in the beginning. It takes a lot of practice and convincing. However, when you can replace negative emotions with positive ones, you will find that it really can make a big difference.
Consider What You Want in Life
You are divorced, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. Instead, this is a new beginning. What do you want out of life? Where do you see yourself in two years? Do you want to try a new career? Do you want to move to a different city? Do you want to change who you are and how you perceive yourself? You can do all of these things.
Look at your divorce as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and become the person you are truly meant to be.
Make Sure You Are Financially Stable
If you were in a relationship where your ex made more money or paid for everything, it can be a bit of a shock to be on your own. What you need to do is take control of your finances sooner rather than later. In some cases, this might even mean taking a class in personal finance management. Learn anything you don’t know about basic finances and rethink your budget.
Learn to save if you haven’t already. Get yourself to the point where you are feeling financially stable. When you have enough money to care for yourself, you will find that many of the fears that initially come with divorce start to vanish. You are proving that you can take care of yourself.
Talk with a Therapist
When you are on your path to rebuilding your life after a divorce, it’s also a good idea to talk with a therapist. Working with a therapist who specializes in divorce cases can help immensely. They have worked with other clients who have had similar experiences to your own. The therapist will have an understanding of what does and doesn’t work when you are getting over a divorce and moving on with life. It’s also nice to have someone to walk with who won’t judge you.
Don’t Start Dating Right Away
One of the aspects of rebuilding your life is to find love again. However, you don’t want to rush this process. You want to make sure you are fine being on your own and providing for yourself rather than relying on someone else for validation, money, etc. Take some time before you start dating. Give yourself some time to get to know who you are now and what you want. When you eventually do start to date again, make sure that you don’t fall into any of the same old negative habits.