Warning! This Post is going to make some people very angry.
Some children feel abandoned when their parents divorce. It doesn’t matter how many times a parent may say they still love their child, some children still feel abandoned. There is a very simple way that you can avoid having your children feel this way. Do not abandon your children.
Do not move out of state to be with your new lover and expect your kids to believe that it’s not personal. Do not sell your minivan for a two-seater sports car in which they are not allowed to sit. Do not move an hour away from the high school where your children attend school, participate in sports, and obsess over their perfect girlfriend and then expect your children to live with you half of the time. Do not trade in your children’s’ parent for a younger, cooler version and then ignore your kids when they come to see you. Do not have a mid-life crisis, decide you are over being a parent and a spouse, and run off to your second career in Hollywood.
If you are going through a divorce, think about how your actions affect your children. If you don’t want them to feel abandoned, show them that you are checked into their needs. I’m not saying that you should stay married at all costs for the sake of your children. I am saying that your decision to divorce will have a huge impact on your children and your relationship with your children. The impact can be positive or it can be negative.
If there are two good parents, and no violence, you should probably try to stay local. You should probably try and create a parenting plan that maximizes time with both parents. You shouldn’t bash the other parent. You shouldn’t run out and get a new mate. Date later. Having children is a HUGE commitment. They require 18 years-at least. But hey, life expectancies are longer and longer, you can party when your children are adults. Do not complain about having to pay child support to the other parent or try to financially starve the other parent.
The startling statistics reflect that children whose parents are divorced:
• Don’t do as well academically and are less likely to go to college, partly because they don’t have a parent to pay for it.
• Are 25% more likely to abuse drugs by age 14.
• Are twice as likely to get divorced themselves.
The good news is that children can survive divorce and be well adjusted individuals with strong relationships with both parents. I see it everyday. There really is a “right” way to get divorced.
