Don Colburn on The 10 Rules to Survive Divorce
Modern Law Attorney Don Colburn recently took the time to talk about one of the things that every divorcing person needs to hear: how to survive the emotional upset and occasional meltdowns.
Watch Don in the video below and if you’d like to learn more about his background as an attorney click here.
Here’s a wrap up of what you need to look out for when you’re trying to survive divorce and keep your sanity:
- Divorce is emotional and you need to do what you can to put it aside or take a time out. You need to focus on the rational things, and a lot of divorce is totally emotional. It’s tough, no doubt, but important.
2. Take a pause and consider the source of information. Everybody thinks they have the answer for you, but if you haven’t heard it from your lawyer or a legal professional you can trust, then it might not be worth assuming it’s valid.
3. If you’ve got an informal agreement to manage the finances, the kids, the retirement accounts, property or whatever, if it’s not in a court order, it doesn’t count. Informal agreements may last for a little while but in the high stakes world of divorce, they seldom last. Get your agreement on paper, and once it’s been officially made a court order, then you should follow it to the letter.
4. Once you’ve got an order, you have to abide by it. This is what the other party will take to court and win if you don’t follow the rules, and likewise, if your ex isn’t following the order, you’ve got a good case against him/her.
5. Big shock: parents sometimes use the kids as a leverage against the ex spouse. Don’t. Just don’t. Your kids know what’s going on – or will know what went on, and if you’re the bad actor in the parenting equation, the kids will always remember.
6. Why worry about what you can’t control. Sure, it’s tough when you’re in a desperate fight to see your children, but that’s when it’s time to work with your attorney who can do your battles for you. Practice letting go of what is out of your range of control, and work instead on controlling how you react to things. This will really pay off.
7. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Make a list of what’s important to you: really important. If some bit of trouble isn’t on the list, then don’t worry about it. Practice saying “Whatever!”
8. Your life is on display for the judge and that judge is going to make decisions based on what you’ve done and said. Make sure you can be proud of it.
9. You may be asked to account for every little thing, so be prepared to answer for it with great records. This is the time to get organized. It’s especially powerful when you feel like your life is out of control to get your paperwork, receipts and accounts in order. You’ll feel better.
10. It’s important to let your attorney to take the burden from you. Take the time to take care of yourself, because you need to be self sufficient and strong as you strike out on your own as a single person after being married. Don’t be afraid to baby yourself more than you would otherwise. You deserve it!