Breakups, relationships, and personal growth can be some of the most challenging experiences we navigate in life. In a recent live episode of the Modern Arizona Podcast, Modern Law attorney and certified life coach Tracy Wood shared expert advice on relationships, breakups, and how to move forward with confidence. With a mix of personal experience and professional insight, Tracy offered practical guidance for those feeling stuck in their relationships or struggling to move on after a breakup.
https://youtu.be/V0N13JsFTQs?si=n7WDjzINLF1fF1-b
Why Do People Stay Stuck in Relationships?
One of the first questions Tracy tackled was why people find themselves stuck in unhappy relationships. Often, it comes down to a lack of communication, self-awareness, and emotional work. “You can’t be a good partner in a relationship if you don’t know yourself,” Tracy explained. Many people stay in relationships out of fear, obligation, or because they haven’t developed the skills to set boundaries and advocate for their own needs.
She also pointed out that society doesn’t do a great job of preparing us for healthy relationships. “We go to school for math and science, but we leave out the most important thing—how to navigate relationships.” Without intentional self-work, many people fall into patterns that keep them feeling stuck.
The Power of Therapy and Self-Work
For Tracy, personal growth was key to breaking free from unhealthy relationship patterns. She openly shared her own journey, explaining how therapy changed her life. “I didn’t start truly understanding myself until I was 47 years old. Now, at 54, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Her experience underscores the importance of self-reflection and therapy in healing from past trauma. Many people bring unresolved childhood experiences into their adult relationships without realizing it. Tracy’s advice? Do the work. Whether that means reading books, listening to podcasts, or seeking professional help, self-awareness is the foundation for creating healthier relationships.
Blended Families and Stepparent Struggles
For those navigating blended families, Tracy provided valuable insights based on her own experiences as a stepparent. “Stepparenting is one of the hardest roles to take on, and honestly, I was not prepared for it.” She explained how stepchildren often struggle with divided loyalties and unresolved emotions from their parents’ divorce.
One of the biggest mistakes she sees stepparents make is overstepping boundaries. “You have to remember, you are not the parent. Let the kids come to you, and never try to be a replacement for their biological parents.” Instead of enforcing discipline, stepparents should work alongside the biological parent to establish clear roles and expectations.
How to Set Boundaries After a Breakup
One of the most common post-breakup struggles is dealing with an ex who won’t stop reaching out. Tracy shared advice on how to set boundaries while maintaining a sense of control. “You have to decide what you can handle. If you don’t want to hear from your ex, make that clear. ‘I need space to heal, and I’d appreciate it if we only talked about necessary matters.’”
If an ex continues to reach out despite clear boundaries, Tracy recommends taking additional steps such as using a co-parenting app (like Our Family Wizard) or, in extreme cases, blocking their number. “I personally don’t block people, but if they don’t respect your boundaries, you have to do what’s best for your mental health.”
Handling Mutual Friends Post-Breakup
Breakups become even more complicated when mutual friends are involved. Many people struggle with constantly hearing updates about their ex, which can make healing harder. Tracy’s advice? “Set boundaries with your friends. Let them know, ‘I really value our friendship, but I need space from updates about my ex.’” Most people will respect that request, but if not, it may be time to reassess those friendships.
She also acknowledged that while maintaining mutual friendships is possible, it depends on the situation. “Some friendships will last, and others won’t, and that’s okay. Don’t force relationships that no longer serve you.”
Moving On: Breaking the Cycle of Comparison
One challenge many people face when re-entering the dating scene is comparing every new person to their ex. Tracy emphasized that this is a sign that someone may not be ready to move on. “If you’re constantly comparing new partners to your ex, you might still need more time to heal.”
She encouraged listeners to take time for themselves, engage in self-reflection, and resist the pressure to jump into a new relationship before they’re truly ready. “People push dating way too soon. There’s nothing wrong with being single. Use that time to get to know yourself.”
Embracing the Joy of Being Single
For those struggling with being alone, Tracy offered a fresh perspective. “Being single isn’t something to be afraid of—it’s something to embrace. For the first time in my life, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.” She shared how she booked a solo trip to climb Mount Kilimanjaro without having to consult anyone else.
Rather than viewing singleness as a void that needs to be filled, Tracy encourages people to focus on creating a life that they love. “If you can be truly happy on your own, then you’ll never settle for a relationship that makes you miserable.”
Build a Life You Love
Tracy’s biggest takeaway from the conversation was this: “Only allow people in your life who make you feel better than you feel on your own.” Whether that applies to romantic relationships, friendships, or family, the key to happiness is surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you.
