Getting divorced is tough for a host of reasons. One of the biggest problems that people tend to face is the sudden reality that their finances are going to be a lot different, and it’s going to happen a lot sooner than they realize. They go from paying part of a mortgage or part of the rent and utilities to paying for everything themselves when they move out. When money is tight, you’ll have to option of living together during divorce, but there are a few things you need to consider.
Sometimes, it is next to impossible to handle this financial change. You still want to get divorced, but you and your spouse know that you need some more time to get things together financially. If you don’t have friends or family you can turn to, you might be at a loss of where you can go. So, what do you do?
In some cases, couples decide to try to live together during the divorce. Please keep in mind that this is not going to work for most people. The reasons you are getting divorced tend to mean that you don’t even want to be in the same vicinity as the other person. After all, there are reasons you are getting divorced.
Sometimes, though, life means that you have to make some tough decisions. One of these might be that you and your spouse need to continue to live with one another for the time being. It might be just for a few more weeks or months, or it might be for the duration of the divorce. Ideally, you will be able to get out and apart before that, but it might not be possible.
In those cases where it isn’t possible, we have some tips and guidance that can help you keep things as normal as possible during this time. Consider these your survival tips.
Spend Less Time with Each Other
Although you might still be living in the same house, it doesn’t mean that you should spend time together like you used to. This means you shouldn’t hang out and watch TV, have dinner together, etc. Those were the types of things you did when you were married. Now that you are getting a divorce, you need to be around each other less when you are at home or try to learn to ignore the other person.
Be Home Less
Not to be confused with being “homeless”, this is a key point of living together during divorce. A good thing to do to help reduce friction and other issues that could arise is to find ways to be home less than usual. This might mean spending time out with friends more often, going to the gym, etc. By spending less time at home, it reduces the problems that could arise.
Create Boundaries and Don’t Rely on the Other Person
You also need to create boundaries with your soon-to-be ex and abide by them. There are certain things that you can no longer do together, places you won’t go together, etc. This means not sleeping in the same bedroom, even if you don’t have sex. It means buying your own groceries, cooking for yourself, washing your own clothes, etc. It also means not doing those things for your spouse if you used to do them in the past.
Be Respectful
Both of you are likely in a situation that you aren’t happy about concerning your divorce and everything that’s coming after. However, no matter how upset you might get at things happening with the divorce, you need to remain respectful of your spouse and the same goes for them. If there is ever disrespect, it means that the situation isn’t working. You need to get out of it sooner rather than later.
Start Working Out Your Future Living Arrangements
Now is the time to start thinking about where you are going to live, so you can hopefully get out before the divorce is finalized. You might have friends and family that can help you by offering a room or maybe helping you find an apartment. Keep in mind that it’s okay to find something smaller at this point since you won’t have as high of an income. There’s nothing wrong with getting a studio, and you will find that it can give you the freedom you need.
Get Your Finances in Order
This is extremely important. You need to work on getting your finances in order while you are still in the marital home during your divorce. Pay for your own things, make your own car payments, and try to rely on joint funds as little as possible. This is your practice when it comes to getting things squared away with your finances. Now is the time to figure out how much you will have to downsize and what you can afford going forward. Don’t just fall into the old habit of counting on two incomes.
No Romances with Other People
Here’s another big one. You want to avoid having a romance with other people while you are still living with the person you are divorcing. Even though you might both be at the point where you are ready to move on from one another, it tends to get weird if you have your new significant other over to the house that you are still sharing with your ex. Ideally, you can hold off on this, or at least don’t have them to the house.
No Romances with the Person You Are Divorcing
Here’s a big problem that can come up when you are still living with the person you are divorcing. There might be the temptation to continue “comingling” so to speak, but this isn’t conducive to a divorce. If you are adamant about getting divorced, you want to make sure that you are not falling back into those old habits.
These are some tips that can help to make it at least a little easier on you if you have to live with your spouse while you are getting divorced. This is not ideal, and we really do believe that you should avoid this situation if at all possible. It has the potential to cause more problems if you aren’t careful.
