If you or your spouse is suffering from a mental health condition, it will effect your divorce. You should gain information about the condition and make sure you have an attorney who understands the condition. Not looking for information on OCD, find our page on Bi-Polar Disorder, Addictions, or ADHD.
Obsession and Compulsion
Obsession and compulsion drive three common conditions: hoarding, eating disorders, and OCD. Most people associate these traits with OCD, but hoarding and disordered eating are also rooted in intrusive thoughts and difficulty managing compulsions.
The main behavior is usually just a tool for control. People with these conditions are often dealing with deeper emotional distress. To cope, they try to gain control over their immediate world:
- Hoarders regain control by collecting and keeping items.
- People with eating disorders regain control by strictly regulating their food intake.
Research shows a strong connection between these conditions. In fact, studies show that up to 64% of people diagnosed with eating disorders also have anxiety conditions, including OCD.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition affecting millions of people. Extreme stress can trigger symptoms, but genetics, social environments, and other medical conditions also play a key role.
While anxiety is a major part of OCD, the condition involves more than general anxiety:
- Obsessions: Unwanted, repeated thoughts that cause fear or distress.
- Compulsions: Repetitive behaviors or rituals done to relieve that distress.
OCD rarely happens on its own. It commonly co-occurs with other conditions, including anxiety, eating disorders, hoarding, or substance abuse.
People with OCD experience constant unease. To calm that anxiety, they rely on repetitive habits to self-soothe. While other conditions like BPD make self-soothing difficult, individuals with OCD use compulsions as a way to feel in control again.
Signs and Symptoms into the obsessions and the compulsive behaviors include:
Obsessive Thoughts
- Fear of harming oneself or someone else
- Fear of losing personal belongings or items
- Fear of being polluted or “tainted” by dirt or germs
- Excessive attention to false beliefs and superstitions
- Having a belief or urge for everything to be symmetrical, linear, or otherwise orderly
- Thoughts that are out of one’s control that are anxiety-inducing and interfere with daily life
- Violent or disturbing thoughts or beliefs regarding habits and activities
- Suspicions that a partner is unfaithful, even when completely unfounded
- Constant awareness of bodily sensations like breathing, blinking, your heartbeat, and more
- Aggressive or dangerous thoughts directed at yourself or others
Compulsive Behaviors
- Excessive time spent on cleaning or hygiene
- Repetitive habits, including obsessively arranging or ordering items in and around the home
- Constantly checking on things like switches or door locks
- Hoarding items and objects unnecessarily
- Counting, tapping, saying words, or other repetitive behaviors designed to quell anxiety or reduce intrusive and obsessive thoughts
- Fear of touching public items like doorknobs, toilets, and so forth
- A compulsive need to count items, actions, or even just to count for the sake of counting
- Doing tasks a specific number of times
- Inability to control thoughts and behaviors that are deemed excessive and take up more than an hour of the day
- Doesn’t derive pleasure from performing behaviors, but feels slight relief from the anxiety and stress caused by the obsessive thoughts
- Can experience significant problems with daily routines and functioning because of the intrusive nature of the thoughts and beliefs.
This is the biggest difference that sets OCD apart from regular anxiety conditions: people are literally unable to stop performing the behaviors that calm the thoughts, which can impede their ability to function on a daily basis. OCD can interfere with interpersonal relationships, daily tasks, and even work, making it hard to maintain gainful employment. Additionally, OCD may present along with a tic disorder in some individuals, further complicating the situation.
How Do Obsessive Conditions Manifest in Divorces and Coparenting?
Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors can impact every single aspect of someone’s life. If these conditions interrupt daily routines, they will affect relationships, divorce proceedings, and custody arrangements. People struggling with OCD may develop irrational obsessive thoughts that they have failed, feeling driven to make up for it through new routines or habits.
In many cases, intrusive habits create a disconnect in relationships, leading a partner to become bitter, resentful, or unable to cope. With hoarding disorder, one spouse may simply not understand the need to keep items, driving a wedge between even the closest couples.
People with obsessive conditions tend to be overly-critical and may appear judgmental or rude. In reality, they are usually expressing underlying anxiety. In relationships, this puts a strain on intimate connections, daily life, and parenting when criticisms are expressed in front of children.
Accommodating or Enabling?
Spouses and family members of those struggling with OCD, hoarding disorder, or eating disorders often try to placate their loved one to avoid conflict, stress, or outbursts.
While this seems like an effective way to keep the peace, accommodation prevents the person from seeking professional treatment and allows rituals to continue unchecked. It also builds resentment in family members who constantly adjust to these compulsions.
Common enabling behaviors include:
- Tolerating unclean, unsafe, or unusual home conditions due to OCD or hoarding disorder
- Making excuses or covering for the individual when they miss work or social obligations
- Providing constant reassurance to calm negative obsessive thoughts
- Assisting with compulsions or waiting extended periods for rituals to finish
- Making daily decisions for the individual because they feel unable to do so themselves
- Purchasing excess items, such as cleaning products, that facilitate compulsive habits
Rather than enabling unhealthy habits, family members must recognize OCD as a manageable condition. The goal should be finding effective treatment rather than making accommodations that allow the disorder to worsen.
Divorce as the Catalyst
The extreme stress of divorce can trigger eating disorders and obsessive conditions, or worsen pre-existing symptoms. Just as these conditions can contribute to a marital breakdown, the process of separating can aggravate compulsive behaviors.
Studies show that major life disruptions like divorce can lead to eating disorders in adults, as well as in children and teens experiencing parental separation. Stress impacts everyone differently, but individuals predisposed to OCD or hoarding often experience elevated symptoms during or after a divorce.
Divorce represents a significant loss of stability and control. Spouses may feel insecure, unlovable, or as though they have failed. To cope with these overwhelming feelings, individuals with OCD frequently rely more heavily on compulsive routines to regain order and self-soothe.
Celebrity Examples
Katy Perry
Katy Perry has spoken publicly about her struggles with OCD and how it affects her daily routine. Perry reports being a self-described germaphobe with intense cleaning rituals. She also experiences a strong need for order, often organizing items alphabetically or compulsively rearranging her surroundings.
David Beckham
Soccer star David Beckham has dealt with OCD rituals throughout his life. Beckham feels a compelling need to arrange objects in straight lines or even numbers. When trying to resist these compulsions, he experiences heightened anxiety, which he has previously managed through repetitive behaviors like getting new tattoos.
Tools and Tips for Managing These Conditions Through Divorce and Beyond
Navigating a divorce involving OCD, hoarding, or eating disorders is challenging, especially if the split is contested or high-conflict. Fortunately, having a clear strategy helps protect your rights and keeps the legal process manageable.
Key steps for managing obsessive conditions during a family law case include:
- Establish a Treatment Plan: Having a documented care plan shows commitment to health and stability, which courts evaluate closely in custody disputes.
- Keep a Therapist Involved: Ensure a licensed therapist is available to help navigate anxiety spikes during hearings or mediation.
- Join a Support Group: Spouses and family members can benefit from support groups to better understand the condition and stop enabling patterns.
- Work with Experienced Counsel: Choose a family law attorney who understands mental health issues and how they are handled in court.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Encourage your spouse to seek professional care rather than participating in or facilitating their compulsions.
- Focus on Stress Reduction: Reducing conflict where possible makes it easier to navigate the proceedings, whether you or your spouse is managing OCD.
Understanding how obsessive-compulsive disorder interacts with legal and personal stress allows you to approach the divorce process with greater clarity and preparation.
Conclusion
Managing a divorce when you or your spouse has OCD requires a clear strategy, proper mental health support, and careful legal preparation. Addressing the condition directly rather than allowing it to create unnecessary conflict helps protect your rights and keeps the focus on achieving a fair resolution for your family.
If you are navigating a divorce involving mental health considerations in Arizona, contact Modern Law today to schedule a consultation with an experienced family law attorney.
